At last...The truly truth.

Today is my second London Birthday, I know the word for that is anniversary, but like in Spanish I guess I always have to find my own way to combine words to make life funnier and a bit more poetic... after all, a Wiseman told me once that what I do is making cinema with my life.....

Since the very first time I came here when I was 19 it’s always been London. That time I felt something, I had the feeling that the person of my life was here. My true love I thought. And it was indeed that feeling what had me wanting to come back to stay for almost ten years until on March the 11^th, 2010 I took the plain to come over here and meet my destiny....

Today, precisely today but 2 years ago, I Finally arrived to my beloved London after fighting with me for so long to change my life, to change myself.

When I was younger I used to say I wanted to be like Elisabeth Taylor and Marry 8 times to different men, it’s because there are too many bride’s dresses I would like to wear I said... but deeply inside I just wanted to live many different lives... and I got that in London.I’ve proved myself I can be a waitress and even quite a good one with enough practice (even tough I have to deal with machines) and assumed I’m far from being important to any of my costumers or even colleges at work... I no longer need to be the leading role in every single story I live. I learnt to live with the lowest budget in the one of the most expensive cities in the world, I met so many people during this two years, so many different ways of thinking, and so many ways to live and survive. I met many friends and then I had to say goodbye, I became a student again and got a proof of my high English level at last. I did many new things and tried to learn from them, but most important I got to know myself and managed to change some things I didn’t like.

I’ve learnt that you can’t deny who you are to yourself after running away from the Spaniards in London for a long time trying to become English. I’m Spanish, I feel comfortable with Spanish because I know the rules of the invisible game we all play, I know what is expected from me , how to behave, how to talk and ask and even how to apologise and forgive. I was raised in a way that has nothing to do with the English way. I’ve tried for two years to understand them, by being among them, studding their manners and behaviour, the way they speak, touch, talk.... and I recently discovered I only know them from the outside...after all it’s only two years.....

Today I feel happy. Proud of myself for all I have achieved in this period. For how different I’ve managed to become in this short time. It’s been a hard path. It has taken me two years to begin to try at last. To try new food, to try listening instead of talking, to try being alone, to try planning something and sticking to that something. It has taking me two years living in London to make me brave enough to expose my thoughts in English. I’ve discovered new passions and allowed myself to enjoy them. I confronted my fears and defeated some of them... I realised that being whom I really want to be it’s going to take me much more than two years and I want to keep on fighting

John Lennon said that life is what happens while you make other plans, and London has given me lots of different lives to try and improve myself. I’ve never been as desperate as I’ve been here, I’ve never been as happy as I’ve been here either. Now I know I needed to come to this crazy, sharp city to learn the truth.... I am the person of my life. I am my true love. Because happiness has to come from the inside, Happiness is only a estate of mind.